Best and worst scenarios for the upcoming Celtics season What could possibly go awry?

Best and worst scenarios for the upcoming Celtics season
What could possibly go awry?

I prefer to utilize this mental exercise to control my own expectations for the next season. Which scenario is the best possible and which is the worst possible?

At this point, I pluck four-leaf clovers, touch a rabbit’s foot, and bang on wood with a horseshoe. This is also my chance to make it clear that I am not talking about World War III, catastrophic injuries (see Hayward, Gordon), or meteorites shattering the Earth like an egg. There are enough issues to be concerned about.

In other words, how far out are the outliers if you plot all of the season’s reasonably plausible events and create a lovely bell curve of probabilities? Naturally, “within reason” is very arbitrary, and your choice and current beverage intake may have an impact on the outcome. My best guestimate is this.

Ideal Situation

When this club is at its best, Jayson Tatum—a top-3 candidate for MVP—and Jaylen Brown—a first- or second-team All-NBA player—will be on it. Ime Udoka’s team defense in this universe functions akin to a group of bullies performing as an orchestra, with each blow to the lips linked by a string. Instead of whining about how much better the game was in the 1980s, your dad is nodding respectfully at the TV as the ball pops around like DJ to Bird to Parish.

Richardson is back in the West End with his South Beach beat. One candidate for sixth man is Dennis Schroder. Whereas Al Horford appears younger, Robert Williams appears wiser and more experienced.

When Enes Kanter enters the game and the team is up by 20 points in the fourth, he really does the Gino dance, assuming the role of Human Victory Cigar with great excitement.

I’m not sure if we will defeat the Brooklyn Nets or the reigning champion Bucks in the Eastern Conference Finals despite all of that greatness, but you never know.

Worst Situation

Disclaimer: It is recommended that guests who have a history of cardiac problems avoid this ride.

Essentially, everything from last year is repeated, only even more enthusiastically. Cohesion and stability are thwarted by injuries and COVID breakouts. The defense falls short of expectations, as opposition guards routinely score over thirty points against us. With its Flame Spurts (heat check shots that hit nothing), Lightning Sand (a quicksand-paced offensive “movement”), and R.O.U.S. (Reserves of Unusual Stinkiness), the offense is similar to the Fire Swamp in Princess Bride.

Ime Udoka is way outmatched, Schroder is literally setting fires in the locker room, Richardson is scared to shoot, and Al Horford appears to be washed up. Udoka is asked by Jaylen Brown, “What does Government mean to you?” Jayson Tatum is an Instagram follower of Ted Leonsis, the owner of the Wizards.

Despite all of that exaggeration, I believe the Celtics have enough skill to return to the play-in game and secure a first-round playoff series.